When most of us entered our marriage, we couldn’t wait to spend the rest of our lives with our partner. At least that was the dream. But as life went on, our spouse began appearing in the backseat in our lives. Work had to come first. Then kids. At the end of the day we barely have the energy to connect with our spouse.
Why are we doing this to the love of our life? Why did we push them to the backseat? Maybe they had pushed us to their backseat as well, but how did we all come to this point?
Modern living is funny. As a species, we’ve never had as much as we do now. We’ve also never had as many choices in life as we do now. But ironically, we’ve also never been busier. We’ve never had lesser time with family. Most of us leave home early in the morning, barely having time to have breakfast with our family. Some don’t even get the chance. We all spend the majority of our days at work and at school, with colleagues, teachers and friends. By the time we reach home, it’s time for a rushed dinner. And honestly, no matter how much we love our kids, we can’t wait to send them to bed.
Everyone wants their downtime at the end of the day, considering so much had been going on from morning till evening. So husbands and wives end up doing their own things. Some might be playing games on their devices, some read, some watch movies on their television or some just waste time away on Facebook and Instagram. We’ve all done these things. We’ve all been there. This is what being in a relationship mindlessly looks like. We let our level of energy and the flow of the day dictate how we spend time with our partner.
This has got to stop.
We need to be in a relationship mindfully – knowing and planning what we want to do with our spouse. We have got to be in control of how we spend our time, especially so when that time is spent in the presence of our partner.
Step 1: Agree
Talk with your partner and make sure both of you agree to want to put in more effort to plan your couple time. If not, this is not going to work. Together, decide how much time you want to at least allocate for just the two of you in a week. Remember to be realistic. Also, agree on the type of activities you both would want to engage in.
This is to prevent situations whereby both of you will be at a loss as to how to spend time together.
Step 2: Schedule It
I know love comes from the heart, but to keep that love going, it has to be inserted in the calendar just like any other important thing in your life. Most of the times, the heart just can’t win your schedules. That’s just how it is.
Step 3: Commit
This is the part most people fail to act on. They either tell their friends or colleagues they’re free for a business even though they have the appointment at the back of their mind. Somehow we think we can treat our spouse as less important than work and colleagues. But why should we? They are the ones that will last with us.
Or both husband and wife are just too exhausted to even bother to spend time together.
Now, hold on a minute…
Do you both want this marriage to be happy and last till death do you part? If yes, don’t be lazy.
For your information, that sentence is for ME. I know how difficult it is. I am an introvert and all I want to do every evening is be by myself. But I know that’s not healthy for our relationship.
So let’s just do it! At least once a week, a few minutes, give your spouse your whole attention. Talk, massage, laugh, etc…
Till next week,
Lili is a wife and a mum to 3 boys. An aspiring writer. Adores creativity, art and beautiful creations. Dog lover. Gentle-parenting follower. Follow her parenting journey at http://www.happywehappyfamily.com where she writes about family happiness and how to stay connected to our spouse and kids.