“The paradox is that more than anything in our lives we want our children to be happy. We fear judgement, we fear disappointment, we fear failure so much that we have become constantly worried and stressed as parents…”
“Without noticing, we transfer all these expectations that we have on our children.”
“It takes guts to be acceptive of who your child is, to be at peace, to let go.”
This article is going to revolve around the TEDx Talk by Austeja Landsbergiene, and the words above are spoken during her talk. She spoke to my heart. She woke me up. Most importantly, she opened my eyes to see what I should stop doing to avoid being the parent I do not wish to be.
Sometimes we think we know what we want for our children, but it’s very difficult to know for sure how we are supposed to parent in order to give our children what they need.
It’s a complex question that all of us parents are still learning every day to find the perfect answer to, which I believe is impossible by the way. There is no perfect way to parent your children. But there’s a way that will ensure we raise secure and happy children.
As parents, we do many things because we are concerned and conscious of what others will think of us. But we have to ask ourselves the following questions:
“What kind of memories do I want to create for my child, at home, in school and everywhere?
Is our parenting founded on kindness and generosity?
Is our parenting founded on criticism and hostility?
What is our habit of mind?
What are we looking for?
Are we looking at the things that we can appreciate? Or are we looking for mistakes?”
When we tell our children to stay home and study hard instead of allowing them to go watch their favourite basketball match, whose expectations are we trying to meet? It is our expectation that our children do well in their studies, but it is the kids’ expectation to watch that basketball match.
Austeja Landsbergiene suggests that we parent out of kindness. And everything will follow suit.
Kindness makes our children feel loved.